As I read ‘No Bad Parts’ and learned how it was while Dr Schwartz  was working with a client with bulimia that he came up with the idea for IFS therapy, I recalled how even back in 1996 when I first had therapy to treat my anorexia the treatment involved writing letters to the anorexia as ‘my friend’ and ‘my enemy’, so even then I was being encouraged to identify there was a role it played and with IFS I found a way to delve deeper into what that role was.  I got the opportunity to fully separate from the anorexic Part, to stop avoiding and being afraid of it, to be curious about what function it believed it was playing in my life and once I had that information I was able to work on reassuring that Part that I no longer needed it anymore, because I – in my true Self state – could look after me and all the other Parts that exist in my internal System.  I no longer needed a protector.

Being able to separate, or in IFS terms Unblend, from my anorexic Part was key for the success of this work because my Self needed to talk to that part without getting flooded in her emotions or activating other Parts who wanted (and needed) to be heard.  This was something I struggled with at the beginning, even making sure I was fully grounded before I started didn’t mean I was able to stay that way all the time, but then I tapped into my creativity and found a solution that aligned with me being a visual person.  I created my “IFS Board” which enabled me to tap into my playful side while physically enabling me to separate from the anorexic Part.

IFS recognises that we are made up of a multitude of Parts and we need to be able to talk to each Part individually when we are working with it.  Traditionally, the way that can be achieved is by asking Parts that aren’t being worked with to wait in a waiting room but I am not a waiting room type of person.  I get bored and irritated having to wait in an environment that I don’t feel comfortable in, so instead of asking my Parts to go to a waiting room, I asked where they wanted to wait and then created “rooms” on my board where they could stay until it was their turn to speak to me.  As more Parts got identified more rooms got added and I found the interactions between myself and my Parts less overwhelming and emotionally charged as they each got to take their turn instead of vying for my attention.

So how has this process helped change my relationship with my anorexic Part?  I was able to really get to know her and listen to her, without the other Parts drowning her out.   It wasn’t a quick process, and change didn’t come easily because she truly believed that she needed to continue protecting me and other younger Parts that I’d identified in my system.  Whether it was painful memories, emotions, stress, overwhelm or anything else negative the anorexia had been and always was there to draw my attention away from it and help me cope.  My anorexic Part wasn’t aware that she was causing problems in other areas of my life, as far as she was concerned, she was just doing what she had always done and it became my Self’s job to help her learn that she didn’t have to do that anymore, that I didn’t need to be protected.  Using the 8 C’s, 5 P’s and 6 F’s throughout each interaction with the anorexic Part enabled me to stay present and focused, it also allowed me to have the self-awareness to recognise when things were starting to feel too much and I needed to take a break.  That level of self-compassion isn’t something that I have always managed to show myself, but it is an absolute must when it comes to using IFS; resisting or being hostile to Parts causes more upset to the internal system and makes connection more difficult and as the title of the book says there are No Bad Parts.  Approaching a Part, whatever it’s role, calmly, with curiosity and compassion is essential.

In early 2026 I finally said goodbye to my anorexic Part by removing her from my board, but in a way that honoured her role and recognised what she had done for me.  That doesn’t mean the thoughts about food, weight and exercise don’t still crop up, they do.  But I recognise them as thoughts and I get curious about what is happening in my life so that I can address the different Parts that might be feeling unsettled and helping them directly, rather than defaulting back to needing anorexia as a distraction.  As I say to myself all the time “I’ve got this now” the me in Self is a better, happier and more fulfilled version of me than the version of me with anorexia.

I still use my board regularly; I really find it a fun and effective way to connect with my little internal family and really recommend trying your version of it if you are struggling to understand your eating disorder.  I may not have explained my process in a way that makes sense to you as you read this but I’ve tried and hopefully the picture of my board at the top of this page can help you visualise how I use it, but if you have any questions please feel free to get in contact with me.